Day 10 .... baby steps

• I decided to only think new thoughts today that I have never thought before. Every time a thought would come into my head that I know I have thought in the past came into my head, I just replaced with something completely different.
  
• Today I did whatever my heart wanted me to. I shared however I wanted to. I stopped my car for a minute to take down my convertible top and enjoy the drive. I spoke to the kids who work at the record store as if they weren't less than me. I made a promise to myself that no matter what happened with Mr. K or my parents, I was just gonna be happy that they love me and that's it. I am just happy to be here today.... and what an amazing day it is. Finally, I don't have to finish my day thinking that my life sucks. What a difference!
• Tonight at the meeting I actually started hugging people. I never really was hugging until tonight. I was actually happy to see these people and actually happy to hug them. Those 5 seconds of a hug are starting to be so magical and special to me. I sat in the meeting and crossed my legs, closed my eyes, and clasped my hands together and started meditating on the people's stories. I really wanted to hear every word and every breathe and place myself in their hearts. This is something I have never done before, feel deeply. And I am kinda addicted to feeling.... is that possible? I wanna feel something about everyone and everything... it is kinda weird.
  
• I decided tonight I love something in everyone... and I dont really have to hate anything..because that is not going to get me anything but grief and reasons to use. I hate this, I hate that, blah blah blah ... it really is only negativity that my addiction wants me to feel so that it could give me a reason to get high and block the negativity. But what if I don't have to feel the negativity... as my best friend Gigi would say; "Who Woulda Thunk?"
• I saw a guy tonight at the meeting who I always see at meetings. I have always been indifferent to him, could not care either way. But I wanted to find something about him that I love. .... because this is what I am practicing. And then he smiled and it was the most genuine smile I have ever seen, as if his heart was smiling and he felt happy all over... and it just made me really happy. And then I thought... Woah, just looking at this guy being happy made me happy. When I was high, I barely even noticed anyone around me ... I lived completely in my head. Recovery is really such a blessing... and I am so grateful to just be here!