Day 10 erm.. 1 erm... Whatever It doesn't matter

1. I am not happy about rehab... I don't want to do it. It brings up sooo much anxiety and pain and realizations that I don't want to touch.. I want it to bother me.. I want it to always be there. I want it to always be there.
   
2. I cannot at all picture my life without any of my "baggage". I cannot picture my life without using some sort of escape. I don't like the real world.. it sucks and is full of bullshit.
   
3. I am angry
4. I am going to run 5 miles until my body hurts so that I can feel some sort of pain ...
   
5. I am angry at myself from removing myself soooo far from reality and from life... and I am sooo not wanting to join in line with the rest of the idiots out there who are "happy".
   
6. I am soo not excited for treatment.. I dont want to be "broken down" or whatever they said they are planing for me.. FUCK THAT. <<<>>
7. I just want today to be over...
   
8. I just want it to be January .. I want to be in my car.. at the Airport picking up Mr. K. And that is all I want ..