Day 23 Need vs. Want

This past weekend I decided to write down everything I had accomplished. I decided that taking a look at the little things I do and letting myself feel good about them might allow me to feel good about myself.
After I wrote and rewrote the list, I realized that I did a lot of things that not only benefited my life but the lives of others. This made me feel really great. And all of this despite the fact that Mr. K is definitely distancing himself from me more than before. I can handle this because I am started to just feel good about myself and realizing that whatever will be will be.. and I just have to worry about me.

I am starting to come to the realization that "needing" people is very dangerous. It is just as easy to be addicted to people as it is to drugs. Finding happiness is the company of a person can lead to the feeling of emptiness without that person which is very unhealthy. I realize now how much I did this and how unfair and unnatural this is. But at the time I had no other way. From now on.. all of my interactions with people will not be based on "need" but on sharing and "want". It is OK to want to be with somebody whether is is Passionate or Platonic but it is not OK to need to be with somebody. This took almost a month for me to understand, which in the big picture, is not that long but each day was grueling. And.. I could only come to this conclusion once I was clean from drugs.

To realize now that I was under the biggest pile of garbage is not upsetting. Everyday I learn how to remove another layer of dust and find out that there is something really awesome within me and I get to be this girl and I get to experience life for all it is and that is a really great thing. Sometimes I laugh at myself and how cheesy I sound. But I really am quite happy today.. I might be alone, reading a book or watching TV in the comfort of a home that holds people who love me... and I am OK and I am happy. What more can I really ask for.

If I just continue down this path, I will begin to attract more positivity... and that is what I want in my life ... but not what I need.